Reflection

My mind is racing. It was exactly two weeks ago tonight that I wrote my last post on this blog. And it was that night that I woke up with no control over the events that were taking place. I woke up at 4. Got out of bed at 4:30. Then for the next hour prepared my mind and body for the miscarriage that was surely taking place. I remember whispering to myself, "it's okay Natalie. you can do this. you are okay", and then I sang to myself, "I Heard Him Come". Still not sure why. But I usually sing when I'm afraid.
It was hard. Nothing I ever expected would ever happen to me. But I am okay. And I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my family. My friends. My ward. And my Heavenly Father. I don't know why we have certain trials. But I do know that through my trials I have an amazing opportunity to grow in many aspects. Sometimes I don't take the opportunity and feel sorry for myself. But not this time. I didn't feel sorry for myself. I felt sorry for all the many woman who tried to comfort me by telling me that they understood because they had miscarried too. I cried for them. Is that weird?
I'm grateful for my husband, who laughs and cries with me, who holds me because he cares. I'm grateful for my two perfect healthy boys. They are tremendous joys in my life. I'm grateful for my family who sacrificed much to help me and my family. I'm grateful for my friends who check up on me and lend an ear to listen. I'm especially grateful for my ward and for the love they freely give. I'm eternally grateful to my Heavenly Father, and Savior and for His atoning sacrifice. I would be truly and utterly lost right now without it.